These Are Our Heroes
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Sparky, Buster, and Wade are put in an uncomfortable position when they hear the cool new science teacher go on a racially charged rant against African-Americans. Meanwhile, Lynne's love for "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood" becomes uncertain when she discovers old anti-Muslim tweets from one of the show's writers.
1. These Are Our Heroes Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 7

EPISODE 14

Airdate: December 23, 2018

"These Are Our Heroes"

Special Guest Stars: Matt LeBlanc as Mr. Halston, Kira Kosarin as Lynne

 _#TYH712_

SCENE 1

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Halston's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are in the middle of a lecture by the new science teacher, Mr. Halston._

MR. HALSTON: You know, I've always been into science. Like I remember sitting in my dorm room watching episodes of Bill Nye's show and thinking it would be so cool to be a scientist. Now I'm here trying to teach you kids what you need to know to be scientists too.

RK: Ugh, could this guy be any more phony?

WADE: RK, it's okay to like something about school. It only makes you human.

RK: Uh huh. Trust me, he has an agenda and I'm gonna figure it out.

MR. HALSTON: So, how did you guys like the science homework?

BUSTER: I didn't understand it at all. How am I going to make it to the fifth grade if I'm failing Albert Einstein?

MR. HALSTON: Well, that's okay. Tell you what, why don't you come after school and I'll tutor you? Not a single student is going to fail on my watch.

BUSTER: You're a savior among men.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are leaving the classroom._

SPARKY: Man, I've been waiting for a teacher like Mr. Halston for months.

BUSTER: I know. It sucks that Mr. Garrett had that nervous breakdown and quit, but somebody had to take the job.

RK: I can't believe you guys are falling for his act. I haven't seen anything this fake since Burger King said they were giving out Big Macs for free.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I know hating school is your thing, but can't you give Mr. Halston a chance? It's not like he's an asshole or boring. He treats us like we're his friends.

RK: And that's the problem. Believe me, guys, there's no such thing as a cool teacher. He's just trying to sucker you guys in so when that heel turn hits, you'll have no choice but to fall in line.

 _Mr. Halston walks up to the kids._

MR. HALSTON: Hey Wade, nice tip about the Patriots. Smartest move I ever made.

WADE: Hey, it was nothing. I mean, them not beating the Jets is like you not being able to teach.

MR. HALSTON: Makes sense. You're like a tiny, younger, dar...

 _Beat._

MR. HALSTON: Well, you're like Jimmy the Greek.

JAYLYNN: Who's Jimmy the Greek?

MR. HALSTON: Ugh, right, I'm old. Back in the day, that reference would have killed. See you guys later.

 _Mr. Halston leaves the area._

RK: You helped that cornball gamble?!

WADE: I just told him the Patriots would beat the Jets. That wasn't a gambling tip, that was a spoiler.

RK: Well, how come you never helped me gamble? I could have picked up that check.

 _Wade gives RK a bored look._

SCENE 3

The Saleh Apartment

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _After school, Lynne is watching TV with Anja._

LYNNE: So, I think we need to talk about this.

ANJA: Talk about what? I just sat down three minutes ago.

LYNNE: When we were at school, I said hi to you and you totally blew me off. That's just wack, man.

ANJA: Maybe I didn't see you? Or hear you?

 _Beat._

LYNNE: You're not off the hook yet.

 _At that point, Lynne gets a notification on her phone._

LYNNE: Holy shit. You gotta be kidding me, no way!

ANJA: What is it? Did something happen to your friends?

LYNNE: No, I just found out on Twitter something crazy about _Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_.

ANJA: So, am I going to find out or do I need to keep asking you questions?

LYNNE: The show just won some kind of award for excellence in children's programming. Can you believe that? That's my show. I watch it, and it won something!

ANJA: I'm so happy for you, Lynne. This must be like giving birth or something, huh?

LYNNE: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. You do that a lot.

ANJA: It's half and half, but that's cool. I didn't know the show was that good.

LYNNE: You didn't know? I have this show on all the time when you come over, how did you not know that?

ANJA: Is it as good as _Between the Lions_? Maybe then, I'll take it seriously.

LYNNE: Anja, nobody cares about your cancelled old man show.

ANJA: Well, someone has to!

SCENE 4

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is doing his homework when KG walks downstairs._

KG: Hey bro. Where's Buster?

RK: He's getting tutored by some corny, phony ass idiot masquerading as a science teacher.

KG: Wow. I take it you really hate this guy?

RK: It's been a while since I've hated an educator this much, brother.

KG: Let me guess. He's the cool teacher? Young, good looking, makes somewhat lame jokes that everybody loves?

RK: It's like you're in my head. How did you know?

KG: The cool teacher is universal, man. For average guys like us, they can make you feel like your whole life is a disgrace.

RK: I just don't get it. Mr. Halston was only supposed to teach there as a temp job, but now I'm thinking he's here to stay. I need to find a way to get rid of him.

KG: I don't know if you can, man. There's no way to get rid of a guy like that because everybody wants him around. You'll have to ride the bandwagon like everyone else.

RK: Oh, hell no. This ain't Baskin Robbins, I don't need to support the flavor of the month.

KG: Well, you can stay jealous and bitter like I did when I had a cool teacher.

RK: Sounds like another one of your stories. What was it like for you?

KG: Oh, it was a nightmare. All the girls liked him, he looked like he could model for _GQ_ , and he kept referencing _The Walking Dead_ so the whole school thought he was down.

RK: And then what? You just moved on to the next grade so you didn't have to worry about him anymore?

KG: No, my principal realized he hired a shitty teacher and fired him. The only experience he had was pretending to work at Chuck E. Cheese's so he could get a discount on pizza.

SCENE 5

David Zuckerman Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, Lynne walks to lunch and sees her friends Farrazhan, Aliya, and Melissa._

LYNNE: Hey guys. Did you hear about the award _Daniel Tiger_ won? We did that. I feel the same way everyone else feels when they talk about _Stranger Things_ or those other weird shows.

FARRAZHAN: Yeah, we heard. Did you hear about the nasty tweets?

LYNNE: Nasty tweets? What nasty tweets?

MELISSA: I still don't see the big deal here.

FARRAZHAN: Did you not read the same tweets I read?

MELISSA: No, because I don't think it's fair to judge people based on what they did in the past. I mean, I've done a lot of stupid shit but you guys don't hold it against me.

ALIYA: True. We just hold your personality against you.

MELISSA: Exactly. Wait, what?

LYNNE: Seriously, what the hell's going on here?

FARRAZHAN: Look, people on Twitter found an account from one of the _Daniel Tiger_ writers. There are all these old tweets in there talking bad about Muslim people.

LYNNE: Are you kidding me? That can't be true, Daniel Tiger would never let racists write for his show.

ALIYA: It's all here, man. It's crazy.

 _Lynne looks at Aliya's phone and starts going through the "Daniel Tiger" writer's anti-Islam tweets._

LYNNE: Oh my God. I can't believe this. This is disgusting.

MELISSA: See, this is why celebrities need to get rid of their accounts. When I get rich and famous, you won't be able to find a damn thing from me.

FARRAZHAN: Is that a promise?

MELISSA: Do you want to do something, Farrazhan? Because this isn't a game, I'm being serious.

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are at their lockers, minus RK._

BUSTER: So, who's ready for chicken tenders in the cafeteria this week?

JAYLYNN: Dude, we're having mozzarella sticks today.

BUSTER: That's not what I asked.

 _RK walks up to the kids._

RK: At ease, gents. Crazy redhead.

SPARKY: So, RK, how are you going to handle your new crusade against Mr. Halston?

RK: Actually, Sparko, I think I'm gonna drop it this time.

WADE: Wait, seriously? You're really not going to come up with some madcap scheme to get him fired?

RK: Nope. KG's story put everything in perspective for me. I can't win against the cool teacher. It's impossible. Besides, I'm pretty sure that one day, Principal MacGregor will look through Halston's file and see that he once tried to live out his second childhood through getting a discount on D-grade pizza for kids.

JAYLYNN: Whenever I hear you talk, it sounds like a book that's not all the way finished yet.

RK: Anna's told me the same thing.

 _Mr. Halston walks by the guys._

MR. HALSTON: Hey guys.

WADE: What's up, Halston the homie?

SPARKY: The Halstonator.

JAYLYNN: Big Halsey, how ya living?

RK: What the f*** are you guys doing?

WADE: Dude, this is the first teacher I've ever had that allows me to address him in an informal fashion. I'll have to wait for college until I can experience that again.

RK: Well, if you ask me, it's creepy.

BUSTER: I thought you were going to leave Mr. Halston alone.

RK: Oh, I am. But that doesn't change the way I feel about him. I got my eye on that man.

 _RK widens his eyes to emphasize keeping a lookout for Mr. Halston's behavior._

JAYLYNN: Please stop doing that, it's giving me hives.

SCENE 7

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Later that day, Anja is consoling a depressed Lynne as she goes through the "Daniel Tiger" writer's tweets._

ANJA: "Hey, how about we test our nuclear weapons on Muslims? It will be a learning experience." Wow, Twitter was a really sick place before kids started using it.

LYNNE: And it just gets worse. I can't believe this. Daniel Tiger did nothing but preach love and respect for years, and he just let that asshole write lines for him?!

ANJA: Lynne, maybe he didn't know. These tweets are all the way from 2010. You can't always figure out what's going on in someone's head.

LYNNE: Yeah, you're right. I just wish I had seen this coming. Maybe I could have done something, maybe I...

 _At that point, Jaylynn walks in._

LYNNE: Yeah, this is definitely one of the worst days of my life.

JAYLYNN: What's wrong with the daughter of Satan this time?

ANJA: Guys, could you cool it for a second? Lynne's not doing too well. A writer for _Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_ got in trouble on Twitter today.

JAYLYNN: Let me guess. Some people found some old, really shitty tweets that he made?

ANJA: How did you know?

JAYLYNN: It's all the rage these days. If you have a past, people will stop at nothing to find it. Especially when you're famous and you weren't smart enough to clean your account.

LYNNE: See, maybe if Daniel Tiger did a background check on all the writers he hired, this wouldn't have happened. But I can't blame him for everything.

 _Beat._

JAYLYNN: Anja, could I talk to you outside for a minute?

SCENE 8

The Saleh Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn and Anja are talking near the front door._

JAYLYNN: So it looks like I'm back in la la land, right?

ANJA: Jaylynn, for the last time, she's eight. And she just found out that one of the writers on her favorite TV show hates her because of her beliefs.

JAYLYNN: Oh, trust me, I don't think what that guy did was cool at all. I'm just talking about her thinking that an actual tiger is capable of getting writers for his show. I mean, is he in the writer's room every day? Is he coming up with jokes? What's the backstory with that shit?

ANJA: The less you ask questions about it, the happier you'll be. Look, what I need you to do is help me get Lynne through this. She's really emotional right now and I don't think I can do it on my own.

JAYLYNN: Hmmm, let's see. Help the person who almost ruined my friendship with Halley, Ashley, and Gilcania for good? Let me see here.

 _Jaylynn looks down on the palm of her hand._

ANJA: Jaylynn, why are you looking at your hand?

JAYLYNN: Oh, this is just the amount of f***s I give. I can't find any.

ANJA: Come on, man. I'll make it worth your while.

JAYLYNN: You'll make me a double decker ice cream sandwich?!

ANJA: That's a thing?

JAYLYNN: Trust me, it is. I have pictures.

ANJA: Okay, if that's what you want for helping me with Lynne, then I'll do it.

JAYLYNN: Awesomesauce. But seriously, you should try to get Lynne to do something for me for a change. She hasn't helped me since I started my stamp collection.

 _Cut to a flashback of Jaylynn sorting through various stamps in her living room while a bored Lynne sits next to her._

JAYLYNN: See, Lynne, we just hit the jackpot. This right here is a limited edition golden eagle stamp. They don't even make these anymore. And according to this stamp collector's guide, it was first issued in 1976, the year of America's bicentennial.

LYNNE: Hey, do you know what the quickest way is to get food poisoning?

 _Cut back to the present day._

ANJA: You never had a stamp collection!

JAYLYNN: If I had to make up a memory, what does that tell you?

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, the kids are talking by the lockers._

SPARKY: Really?

BUSTER: Yeah, he did a whole rap about the periodic table of elements.

WADE: It can't be better than my song about it, right?

BUSTER: Do I have the right to be blunt about your song?

WADE: Yeah, I already know where this is headed.

JAYLYNN: So Buster, you're really learning from Mr. Halston's tutoring?

BUSTER: Yeah. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun learning about science.

WADE: So, all my years of service have meant nothing to you?

BUSTER: You kept yelling at me whenever I didn't get a question right!

WADE: I'm emotional when it comes to science! It's like my second wife!

SPARKY: Second wife?

WADE: Yeah. Adriana and I made a pact that when we turned 25, we would get married.

RK: You're kidding, right?

WADE: Of course not, we love each other. I thought you made the same pact with Anna.

RK: When I told her about it, she said it will be a miracle if we see each other past the sixth grade.

JAYLYNN: Damn, your girlfriend's a real piece of work.

RK: Hey, she fills up that space where my heart sometimes is.

BUSTER: You know, you guys should come get tutored by Mr. Halston too. He'll get those test scores up in a minute.

SPARKY: I don't need to see him. My test scores are just fine.

WADE: Me neither. He's great, but he's not that great.

JAYLYNN: I, uh...I should probably see him.

 _Beat. All the kids turn their attention to RK._

RK: Why are you guys staring at me? I didn't do anything!

SPARKY: No, we just wanted to see if you were going to Mr. Halston's tutoring session.

RK: Yeah, why not? It's not like I have anything to lose...except my ability to not get tricked by some snake oil salesman trying to be a teacher.

 _The other kids groan at RK's statement._

SCENE 10

The Saleh Apartment

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _After school, Anja is waiting by the door and looking at her wristwatch when Jaylynn arrives._

JAYLYNN: What's up, Anj?

ANJA: Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?

JAYLYNN: Don't get uppity with me. I told you I was coming five minutes ago.

ANJA: It still doesn't explain why you were late though.

JAYLYNN: I was getting some tutoring from Mr. Halston. He's the cool new science teacher at our school.

ANJA: Is he cute?

JAYLYNN: Dude, I'm lesbian. Do you really think that's the kind of question I'm capable of answering?

ANJA: Guys can say that guys are good looking without it being weird.

JAYLYNN: Okay, let me get my dude on for a second. Um, I guess he was very...strapping. A strapping young man?

ANJA: What kind of ten-year-old girl talks like that?

JAYLYNN: The kind of ten-year-old girl that has you for a best friend. Now, let's go inside before the migraine from being here starts.

 _Jaylynn and Anja walk inside and see Lynne watching TV._

ANJA: Hey Lynne. What's going on?

LYNNE: Hey Anja. Hey weird, stupid looking thing right next to Anja.

JAYLYNN: Don't make me beat you with your own orange juice again.

ANJA: Dude, not now. Wait, how did you beat her with orange juice?

LYNNE: A-ha! Caught ya right there, you sneaky ass tiger!

ANJA: Lynne, what are you doing?

LYNNE: See, I realized that I was going about this _Daniel Tiger_ thing all wrong. You know how some shows like to sneak in a lot of stuff that only grown-ups understand?

ANJA: Yeah?

LYNNE: Well, this is the same thing. I'm going to watch every single _Daniel Tiger_ episode all over again to spot any propaganda. I'm doing well so far. In the last episode, Daniel did something that I'm pretty sure looked like a Nazi salute.

JAYLYNN: Wow. So this is what happens when you don't have any after-school clubs.

ANJA: Okay, Lynne, this is getting ridiculous.

 _Anja takes the remote control and turns off the TV._

LYNNE: Are you kidding me? I was in the middle of research!

ANJA: Not anymore. Look, Lynne, I know what that writer said was disgusting, but that's not going to reflect on the show. They fired him. And do you really think they would be stupid enough to put racist stuff in the show?

LYNNE: Of course, they would. They think they're slick trying to scam little kids, but I know what they're doing.

JAYLYNN: Seriously, you can write for the newspaper, take up a sport. Hell, join your sister at the community center, write some crappy poems or something.

ANJA: You know what would be better for you, Lynne? If you just stopped watching the show. Make a statement, let them know they lost a fan. Trying to expose them won't work.

LYNNE: I think you have a point, sis. They crossed the line letting that racist write for them. They knew the whole time and didn't do anything until it started costing them publicity. You know what? I'm doing it. I'm done with _Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_.

JAYLYNN: Fantastic, I'm so proud of you. Can I go home now?

 _Anja gives Jaylynn a bored look while Lynne stares at Jaylynn angrily._

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, Sparky and Wade are talking by their lockers._

WADE: Are you serious? Honey mustard will always be the best dipping sauce.

SPARKY: If you say so, but if you can't taste the magic of sweet and sour sauce, then I don't know why we're friends.

 _Buster walks up to the guys._

BUSTER: What's up, guys? What are you doing here this time of day?

SPARKY: We're taking you home like we said we would.

WADE: Yeah, it's still Carpool Day.

BUSTER: Oh. I thought we stopped doing that because it was bad for the environment. Wait a minute, my cap! My Mariners cap, where is it?

SPARKY: You probably left it in Mr. Halston's class. We can help you look for it.

 _Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk up to the classroom and hear Mr. Halston yell. They stand by the door and see him talking on the phone._

MR. HALSTON: Are you kidding me? I swear, this is why I hate black people. It's like you can give them so many simple f***ing directions and they still can't do anything right. I know, one day, you and me need to take these moolies and just beat the shit out of them. It sounds racist, but I don't care, they make me sick.

SPARKY: Oh my God.

WADE: What the hell did he just say?

 _Beat._

BUSTER: Is there any way that the guy we just heard was wearing a Mr. Halston disguise?

 _The instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays briefly in the background as Sparky and Wade give Buster annoyed looks._

SCENE 12

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky, Buster, and Wade are on the couch, still trying to process what they heard Mr. Halston say._

SPARKY: I still can't believe this.

BUSTER: Maybe we don't actually know what we heard. Mr. Halston being racist would be like Mister Rogers being into child porn.

SPARKY: Dude, we heard everything he said.

BUSTER: I'm in denial! That's what you do when you're hit with reality. We gotta tell Principal MacGregor.

WADE: And what are we telling him?

BUSTER: That Mr. Halston is a disgusting racist. Come on, man, pay attention!

WADE: Buster, we can't just go into MacGregor's office and tell him that. Yeah, we might have heard Mr. Halston saying racist things, but we don't have any evidence. Then he can easily deny it, our accusation becomes hearsay, and something might happen to us for lying on a teacher.

SPARKY: So, now what? We just let him get away with this?

WADE: Of course not. But if we're going to get Mr. Halston out of our school, then we need to be smart about it. We need to plan one step ahead, we need to be surreptitious.

BUSTER: Of course. Why didn't I think of that? If we're surreptitious, then that will magically solve all of our problems!

WADE: It doesn't have anything to do with Aunt Jemima, you waterhead.

BUSTER: Oh. Then explain to me so I don't look like an idiot next time.

WADE: Look, if we're surreptitious, then we need to be sneaky. We need to catch Halston in the act but in a way that doesn't draw attention to what we're doing. Then we have a case.

SPARKY: If you think that will work, Wade, we can do it, but I feel like telling Principal MacGregor straight up will be better.

WADE: I would agree with you, but that's already been ruined for us. Remember that one kid that said Mr. Robertson was picking on him for his dyslexia, and then it turned out that the kid never had dyslexia?

BUSTER: But we're not talking about dyslexia, Wade. We're talking about racism!

 _Wade leaves the couch and walks out of the house without saying anything._

SPARKY: I don't think he's coming back.

SCENE 13

David Zuckerman Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, Lynne is eating with her friends._

MELISSA: I'm just saying, chunky peanut butter is nasty. Why would I wanna have little nuts in my sandwich?

ALIYA: It's like you just talk and you can't hear yourself when you do.

FARRAZHAN: So Lynne, you want to come to my place after school and watch _Daniel Tiger_?

LYNNE: Please, that racist show? No way, man, I'm done.

 _Beat._

ALIYA: I think my heart just skipped a beat.

FARRAZHAN: Lynne, are you feeling okay? Are you on some weird, brand new medication?

LYNNE: Of course not, Farrazhan. My eyes are open now. Daniel Tiger is a big fat racist punk, and I'm not supporting any of his work ever again.

MELISSA: Didn't the guy who made those tweets get fired?

LYNNE: Yeah, sure. Cover your ass when it's all said and done.

FARRAZHAN: I mean, those tweets were awful, but that doesn't mean you should stop watching the show. It has nothing to do with what that idiot said.

LYNNE: How do you know? People get exposed on Twitter all the time now. Who knows how many people they affected with their crap? Now we have a whole generation of people who are racist or sexist or racist and sexist. There could be a racist at this table right now.

 _At that point, the girls all turn their attention to Melissa and give her blank stares._

MELISSA: Not even as a joke is that funny.

ALIYA: Come on, Lynne, you're being silly. We can still watch _Daniel Tiger_ and not give a shit about some stupid writer.

LYNNE: Nope, sorry. I can't do it. That show's ruined for me now. All I can think about is the theme song having new lyrics about suicide bombers and calling us Apu.

FARRAZHAN: Apu's a Hindu.

LYNNE: Yeah, expect racist lyrics to be culturally accurate.

SCENE 14

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk into the school that same day._

BUSTER: This is so bad. Our favorite teacher hates black people, it's going to take weeks to get a new permanent one, and I still haven't gotten back my Mariners cap.

WADE: I really hope that's in descending order of importance.

SPARKY: It's going to be okay, Buster. Mr. Halston's not going to last a minute after we get him out of here.

BUSTER: But what if we don't? What if Mr. Halston starts thinking he can be racist whenever he wants? Pretty soon, he'll start persuading kids to join the KKK.

WADE: Dude, relax. All we need to do is just stick with the plan and play it cool. These things normally get taken care of when you're calm.

 _At that point, Mr. Halston walks past the boys._

MR. HALSTON: Top of the morning, guys.

WADE: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO WALK AROUND LIKE THAT, YOU RACIST?! YOU RUINED SCIENCE CLASS FOR ME!

 _There is an awkward pause as the kids all look around in shock, and Mr. Halston is frozen in fear._

WADE: Yeah, a racist teacher in 2018. Who knew?!

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Principal's Office

Seattle, Washington

 _The boys and Mr. Halston are meeting with Principal MacGregor._

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Boys, I hope you understand how serious this accusation is.

SPARKY: Believe me, Principal MacGregor, we're not making this up. We heard everything he said.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I see. Care to explain, Mr. Halston?

MR. HALSTON: Look, I know these kids feel strongly about what they heard, but had I known they were listening in, I would have never said what I said.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Wait, so you admit it? You really went on a racially charged rant?

MR. HALSTON: Hey, I didn't know anybody was there. Whatever happened to getting punished for an invasion of privacy?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: This...this is beyond anything I've dealt with as an educator in a very long time. We have a zero tolerance policy for what you did, Mr. Halston. Boys, could I please speak to this man alone?

WADE: Of course.

 _The boys leave the room at that point._

MR. HALSTON: You know, I enjoy some rap in my spare time.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Oh, shut the hell up, Glen.

SCENE 16

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are watching TV later that day._

JAYLYNN: I can't believe Mr. Halston is a racist. He seemed so chill.

WADE: A lot of people are like that. They act like they're cool with everybody and everything but if you get them pissed, the mask comes off.

SPARKY: I guess this is your lucky day, RK. When you get home, are you going to start doing backflips and breakdance in the kitchen?

RK: Probably, but it's still sad. It just sucks that all those kids who looked up to him now have to realize that their hero was a trifling piece of shit the whole time.

JAYLYNN: So, what happened to Mr. Halston? Did MacGregor give him the chair?

SPARKY: Well, he got fired from the school, he has to attend sensitivity training, and for the next 90 days, his teaching license is suspended. I wish it could have been more, but he deserves everything he got.

WADE: Amen.

BUSTER: You know, I don't have a problem with Halston getting fired, but I kinda wish he waited until after the test to get exposed.

 _The kids all stare at Buster with confusion._

BUSTER: What? Just because we slaughter the cow, doesn't mean we can't get one more glass of milk.

SCENE 17

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _A "Three Months Later" caption appears over an exterior shot of the school. Cut to the kids talking by the lockers._

RK: Okay, what about ranch?

WADE: I mean, it's a top five dipping sauce, but it's not the all-time best.

JAYLYNN: I'm just glad nobody's said mayonnaise.

BUSTER: What's wrong with mayonnaise?

SPARKY: Nothing, as long as you live in Indiana.

 _At that point, static from the loudspeakers is heard._

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR _(V.O.)_ : Will Sparky MacDougal, Buster Newman, and Wade Saltalamacchia please report to the principal's office?

SPARKY: How bad do you guys think this is gonna be?

WADE: Eh, I'll keep an open mind today.

SCENE 18

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Principal's Office

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky, Buster, and Wade are shocked as they meet with Principal MacGregor._

SPARKY: You want to rehire Mr. Halston?!

BUSTER: See, this is what we get for thinking anything good happens in this room.

WADE: Principal MacGregor, this is the worst thing you can do. Mr. Halston disrespected an entire race of people with what he said. My race! And now you want to bring him back?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Wade, under normal circumstances, I would never make an exception like this. But the state has assured me that Mr. Halston is a changed man. He's had time to reflect on what he said and the sensitivity training really helped him mature.

SPARKY: He lost his job, of course he had time to reflect. The only thing he learned is he'll say stuff like that as long as he knows he won't get caught.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Boys, do you really think I'm that gullible?

BUSTER: That's a trick question. But I'll go with yes.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I had to meet with Mr. Halston several times just to ensure that he wasn't the same guy he was three months ago. Everybody deserves a second chance. He's coming to apologize tomorrow and then he'll be back teaching. He really wants to make amends.

WADE: Yeah, I bet he does. Make amends for not hiding his feelings better.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Bottom line, boys, this is happening. Mr. Halston deserves a chance to wipe the slate clean. Can you guys give him that chance?

 _Sparky, Buster, and Wade all look at each other with frustration._

SCENE 19

David Zuckerman Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _That same day, Lynne and her friends are talking near their lockers._

ALIYA: So I was thinking we start with the games, and then eat the cake later.

FARRAZHAN: I like it.

MELISSA: Yeah, I can get down with that.

LYNNE: Pffft.

MELISSA: Right on time, ladies.

FARRAZHAN: Lynne, what are you upset about this time?

LYNNE: Well, first of all, I'm upset that you can't stop saying my name every time you address me. But I'm really upset about Aliya's birthday party. No one needs it.

ALIYA: Nobody needs me to have a birthday party?

LYNNE: Not really. What's the point? Why have one?

MELISSA: Because it's fun and you get to eat cake and your friends give you cards with tons of money in them?

LYNNE: That's all unnecessary. We have this birthday party, but there are still people who feel the need to hate on Muslims. And the climate is getting worse every day, and we still have to deal with the water fountains never working in this damn place.

FARRAZHAN: Okay, you have a point with that last thing, but honestly, Lynne, this is getting tiring.

LYNNE: What did I just get done telling you?

 _Beat._

FARRAZHAN: This is getting tiring. Look, I know you're still upset about the whole _Daniel Tiger_ thing, but it's over. The writer got fired, the studio apologized, and everybody's moved on. Why can't you?

LYNNE: You don't get it. It doesn't just end with the guy getting fired. I don't even remember him apologizing for anything. That's how I know he hates Muslims.

FARRAZHAN: Yeah, an old white man hates us. What a shocker. But there are thousands of people just like him. You're going to stop living life because of it?

LYNNE: No. But I know I'm not going to rest until that guy pays for what he did. It's time for all of us to open our eyes to the world.

 _Lynne walks away from the girls._

ALIYA: What does my birthday party have to do with the water fountains?

FARRAZHAN: Ugh, every day, it's the same thing. Ever since Lynne stopped watching _Daniel Tiger,_ she's been so painful to be around. I wish she would cut it out.

MELISSA: Yeah, but how? It's been weeks since she started. How can we get through to her now?

ALIYA: I bet her sister has something to do with this.

FARRAZHAN: You're right, Aliya. Anja's always tried telling Lynne what to do. If we let her know how annoyed we are, maybe she can get Lynne to snap out of it.

MELISSA: She better. I've been waiting weeks to turn up at Aliya's party, and I'm not gonna let anybody take that away from me!

FARRAZHAN: Alright, man, cool down.

MELISSA: I'm sorry, I just don't give a shit about climate change. I don't even know what that shit means.

SCENE 20

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Sam Puckett Auditorium

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, Mr. Halston is giving a public apology for his racist comments._

MR. HALSTON: I would like to say from the bottom of my heart that I am deeply sorry for embarrassing this school. I am deeply sorry for the few kids that I may have offended due to my poor choice of words three months ago. You gotta understand that being a racist isn't my character. That was just the heat of the moment. I've had black friends for years. Jackie Robinson has always been my favorite baseball player. And I believe that R&B is the wave of the future. Anyway, I just wanted to move past this, and let you kids know to always be careful of what you say. It might come back to get you. Thank you.

 _Mr. Halston's apology receives a standing ovation and "We Forgive You" chants. The members of TSE look dumbfounded._

RK: How come I'm not dead yet?

SCENE 21

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

 _Later that day, the kids are eating ice cream sundaes._

SPARKY: I can't believe that jackass. The nerve of that guy trying to lie to us like that.

WADE: I know. "Oh, I used to eat my Apple Jacks in my parents' apartment and watch Richard Pryor stand-up so I can't be racist."

JAYLYNN: I heard kids yelling at Mr. Halston to go get 'em. I don't get it, who the f*** is trying to keep him down?

RK: I'm pretty sure in a year or two, he's gonna get tenure. I'm damn sure.

 _At that point, Sanna and Ashley walk up to the guys._

ASHLEY: Hey guys, are you okay with Mr. Halston teaching again?

WADE: Were you okay with your last tooth getting pulled?

ASHLEY: Well, that makes sense.

SANNA: I don't see what the big deal is. He said sorry and he learned his lesson.

SPARKY: You really think that's enough?

SANNA: Why not? What am I supposed to be upset about?

BUSTER: Sanna, you didn't hear what he said. He was talking about killing black people...for real.

SANNA: And that was wrong, but if he knows it was wrong, then why doesn't he deserve a second chance?

WADE: Because some people don't change. Saying sorry doesn't make everything go away. He didn't make a mistake, he said what he really felt.

ASHLEY: Wade has a point. I don't know what bringing him back is going to accomplish.

SANNA: Well, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he really did change.

 _Sanna and Ashley leave the area._

RK: Wow, our generation is finished.

SPARKY: Sanna really thinks he's changed. The whole school thinks he's changed, now, he's never going away.

JAYLYNN: I wish there was a way to make people see that Mr. Halston should have never gotten his job back.

WADE: Maybe there is. When we first heard him go on that rant, he was really pissed off.

BUSTER: So, what? We just need to get him angry again?

WADE: Exactly.

SPARKY: I don't know. The only reason he went off like that is because he thought nobody was around. There's no way he's going to let himself blow up like that again.

WADE: That's what you think. A wise man once said that those who don't learn from their history are doomed to repeat it. Well, it's time Mr. Halston gets a history lesson.

JAYLYNN: Who was the guy that said that?

WADE: It was a philosopher, but I can't remember his name.

SPARKY: Was it Freud?

WADE: No, not him.

BUSTER: I thought it was the guy who wrote the Maple Loops jingle.

RK: That was the character Charlie Sheen played on _Two and a Half Men_.

BUSTER: Yeah, but did he say it or not? I need a straight answer, RK!

SCENE 22

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Anja is doing her homework when Farrazhan, Aliya, and Melissa walk in._

MELISSA: You have a lot of nerve, you know that? This is all your fault!

FARRAZHAN: Melissa, we have to explain to her what she did first.

MELISSA: Why waste time? She's a brainiac, she knows what she did.

ANJA: Actually, I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

MELISSA: Oh. Sorry, Farrazhan, I really jumped the gun there.

ALIYA: Look, thanks to you, Lynne has turned into some granola crunching loser. The other day, she lectured me on how eating pizza has a direct impact on starving kids in other countries.

ANJA: Well, it makes sense. You get to eat pizza and those kids can't even get a can of green beans.

ALIYA: I'm not in those other countries. You see the problem here?

MELISSA: Lynne used to be cool before you made her stop watching _Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_. This is all your fault!

ANJA: I never forced Lynne to stop watching the show. I just thought it would be a better use of her time than obsessing over the writers putting anti-Muslim crap in the episodes.

FARRAZHAN: The show's really anti-Muslim?!

ANJA: No! See, this is how rumors get started!

ALIYA: Look, can you try talking to your sister about the way she's acting? I like that she's conscious about stuff, but my birthday party is right around the corner and I don't need that kind of energy around me.

ANJA: Alright, fine. But how come you guys showed up to my house for this, but you don't talk to me any other time?

FARRAZHAN: Oh, we kinda stopped liking you after the poetry class thing.

MELISSA: Yeah, that redhead girl really messed you up.

ANJA: Jaylynn's my best friend!

MELISSA: That's the reason and you're not making it any easier by reminding us.

SCENE 23

 _(The instrumental to "Yellow Brick Road" by Eminem plays in the background)_

 _Through a montage, the members of TSE are figuring out ways to get Mr. Halston to go on another racially charged rant like he did the first time three months earlier. They try to irritate him in class, but the worst thing that he does is go through breathing exercises to calm himself. They begin spying on him outside of designated class periods, but are unable to catch him in the act. Throughout the montage, the kids are up in Sparky's treehouse eating Burger King while they plan out their next move. On one particular day, Buster gets an idea while eating Hershey's pie. They go into the school that same night and write "Mr. Halston Is A Racist" in big red letters on the whiteboard using a red Sharpie. They then run out of the room and leave the school as quickly as possible before getting caught._

SCENE 24

The Saleh Apartment

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Anja walks in while Lynne is wearing reading glasses and using her laptop._

ANJA: Hey Lynne, it's time for you and me to have a talk. Wait, since when did you start wearing glasses?

LYNNE: Since forever. You know I have astigmatism.

ANJA: No, you don't. Your file got mixed up with someone else's!

LYNNE: Well, why can't I try and look smarter?

ANJA: Look, I wanted to talk to you about your new character.

LYNNE: My new character?

ANJA: Yeah, your whole "woke" persona. Is this all because I said you should stop watching _Daniel Tiger_?

LYNNE: Oh, of course. It all has to go back to you and what you did. I did this for me, Anja. Why did I spend all those years watching some dumb kids show? You know, I read a study that said those shows make you dumber. Thank God we still have PBS.

ANJA: That dumb kids show was _made_ by PBS. Listen, I know you're not over what happened, but there's no point in trying to bum everyone out. I mean, you're not even going to Aliya's party.

LYNNE: So? This is just something that you all have to get used to.

ANJA: It's been three months, what does that tell you? At the end of the day, it's your decision, but you shouldn't have to give up on everything you love just because of what some writer said. You can still be a fan of Daniel Tiger. He needs you to watch his show.

LYNNE: Please, he doesn't miss me.

ANJA: Oh, really?

 _Anja pulls out a letter from her backpack and gives it to Lynne._

LYNNE: What's this?

ANJA: Just something from an old friend. Check it out.

 _Lynne opens up the letter._

LYNNE: It's from Daniel?!

ANJA: Looks like it.

LYNNE: "Dear Lynne, your big sister told me about what happened. I'm really hurt that you would stop watching my show. You were always one of my favorite fans. I know I made a big mistake hiring that guy as a writer, but I was just as shocked as you to find out about those tweets which is why he got fired the same day. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and continue supporting my show. We need more people like you to believe in something. Sincerely yours, your friend, Daniel Tiger." He called me his friend? And he signed it?!

ANJA: Daniel really cares about you, man. So, what are you gonna do about it? You're going to talk about how this letter was a waste of paper?

LYNNE: No, I'm done complaining about everything. Thank you for giving me this, Anja. When Daniel Tiger needed a friend to support him, I wasn't there. I have to make it up to him.

ANJA: Just start watching the show again.

LYNNE: Yeah, that was implied, girl. I guess I learned something today. Bad people can do good things. But that doesn't mean I should stop liking the things I like. Like with Jaylynn's old poems.

ANJA: Wait, you're a fan of her poems?

LYNNE: I don't like her at all, but she can still write.

SCENE 25

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Halston's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, Mr. Halston stands by the whiteboard infuriated as the "Mr. Halston Is A Racist" tag remains._

MR. HALSTON: Okay, you kids have to understand that this is unacceptable. I don't like being referred to as something I never was and never will be. I made a mistake, that's it. So who here is responsible for this, huh? Don't be shy. You wanted the attention? Now, you got it so who's feeling froggy today?

WADE: I guess it's time for us to jump.

MR. HALSTON: Wait, what? Wade, you wrote this?

SPARKY: All five of us wrote it. Because it's true.

MR. HALSTON: You think this is a joke, huh? You think it's funny?

JAYLYNN: How is it funny? You lost your mind and said you hated black people.

RK: And now, everybody here is cheering for you like you just got out of prison. Like they arrested the wrong guy and now you're free. Well, we're not drinking the Kool-Aid, Halston.

BUSTER: Which is a dumbass last name.

MR. HALSTON: You guys are really testing my patience. You want MacGregor to come in here and give you detention? Suspension?

WADE: Doesn't change what you are.

SPARKY: Yeah, be a man, Halston. Let it out. Tell all these kids who see you as a hero that you're a racist.

MR. HALSTON: I'm not a racist. A real racist would stutter over his words and come up with excuses, but I'm not a real racist so what are we really talking about here?

 _Beat._

MR. HALSTON: See, this is what I don't understand about the world anymore. Everybody's so sensitive about everything. You can't call things gay, you can't make fun of fat people for being fat, and you can't say a few inappropriate things about a person of color. Don't I have freedom of speech? Huh? Shouldn't I have the right to say what I want to say?

 _At that point, some of the kids walk out of the class._

MR. HALSTON: Hey, what's going on here? You have to ask for permission to use the bathroom, that's against the protocol!

SANNA: They're not leaving for the bathroom, genius.

 _Sanna walks out and a few other kids leave the classroom as well._

MR. HALSTON: I'm not a racist! You guys are just so touchy about everything! I'm so sad, let me tweet about it, that will make it all better! You're soft, the all of ya's!

 _As Mr. Halston continues, the kids continue walking out, including TSE._

MR. HALSTON: I don't need this stupid school! I can get another job. When people talk about Mr. Halston, they know he shuts it down every time. Go ahead, be babies, your Pampers must be on too tight! Wait a minute, who am I talking to?

SCENE 26

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are on Sparky's couch to recap the events of the show._

BUSTER: This is crap, man. Mr. Halston got fired again.

WADE: And?

BUSTER: He's just gonna come back later. He'll probably say he's a born-again Christian and end all his sentences with "glory to God" or something.

SPARKY: Nope. Halston's banned from teaching in this district and he has to wait four years to apply for a new license.

BUSTER: Well, that's something to be happy about.

RK: Wait, Buster, weren't you there when MacGregor told us all this?

BUSTER: No, I was in the bathroom. And then you guys just kept quiet about it for reasons I don't understand.

JAYLYNN: This was a great day. We proved that some people don't deserve a second chance.

WADE: Yeah, but the sad part is, there are teachers just like Mr. Halston all over the place. They're just really good at hiding their true colors.

JAYLYNN: You're right. That's why I'm never having kids. I don't want them growing up and learning about Nazi pride in school.

RK: Why would schools teach Nazi pride?

JAYLYNN: Because this world is going to hell, RK. I thought you were the one that believed in theories and shit.

BUSTER: Wait, there's just one thing I don't understand about all this.

SPARKY: What's that, buddy?

BUSTER: How come it's been three months and nobody's found my damn Mariners cap?!

 _Cut to black._

 _("Next Time" by Gang Starr plays over the end credits)_

©2018 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

HAPPY HOLIDAYS


	2. These Are Our Heroes Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 12/23/18-12/24/18)_

-We have less than nine days left in 2018. What a mess.

-I came up with the idea for this episode back in July. I remember being disgusted at the announcement of WWE reinstating Hulk Hogan into its Hall of Fame, which was them essentially forgiving him for his actions three years prior. Back in the summer of 2015, a tape was released online where Hogan, not knowing he was being recorded, made several inflammatory statements directed at African-Americans. He even admitted to being "racist, to a point" on the tape. WWE distanced themselves from Hogan after the tape's release, but part of me believes it was only to avoid bad publicity and the plan was to always bring him back.

-Hogan getting reinstated wasn't the sole reason for me making this episode. It was the reactions to Hogan being reinstated that pushed me over the edge. For several people, the reaction was positive. Many of them were excited to see Hogan back, claiming that what he did was a mistake that he had learned from. He deserved a second chance, he wasn't really a racist, he didn't know he was being taped, etc. What that meant to me was that everybody was simply excusing Hogan's racism because he was Hulk Hogan, a wrestler they admired and looked up to. A person doesn't just learn to not be a racist over a few years. The tape was a reflection of Hogan's true feelings, and he was a middle-aged man who had spent years traveling the world working with African-American people. For him to make those statements, and then later on continue to not understand why people were offended, leads me to believe he never changed or learned anything from the incident. He will be a racist until the day he dies, and he was only sorry because he got caught.

-I don't remember the exact day I came up with this episode, but it was just a way for me to deal with how I felt regarding the Hogan situation. Nothing about the main plot was changed from when I first thought of the idea. It was the same from start to finish: A situation where the kids really like and respect this new teacher who appears to be a great guy on the surface, but was really just adept at hiding his controversial thoughts from everyone.

-To complement the main plot, I added the subplot weeks later, and that was also unchanged from what I originally thought of. The subplot actually combines two Lynne-focused episodes from the last two seasons, "Reality Bites III" in season five and "War of the Salehs" from last season. In "Reality Bites III," Lynne is revealed to be a huge fan of the PBS children's series _Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_. In "War of the Salehs," I introduced Lynne's friends: Farrazhan, Aliya, and Melissa. Both of those elements came into play in this episode as Lynne found out this terrible thing about her favorite show. The subplot dealt with a similar topic as the main plot, but in a different way. One thing I wanted to do more this season was to have episodes where both plots connected with each other, and this is what I was envisioning months ago when I made it one of my goals.

-The crazy thing about the subplot is it somehow became more relevant in the last few weeks than when I came up with it a few months ago. Celebrities have been getting exposed on Twitter for a while now, forced to own up to offensive tweets from a time where they were much less visible and social media was nowhere near as widespread as it is now. One recent example that made the subplot timely was Kevin Hart being held accountable for previous homophobic tweets, and a joke during one of his older routines where he expressed concern at the thought of having a gay son. The tweets were reposted when Hart was announced as the host of next year's Academy Awards. After refusing to apologize, Hart stepped down from his hosting job and apologized anyway. I actually made a reference to that in last week's episode.

-The episode is named after the Nas song off his 2004 double album _Street's Disciple_. I was working on an episode last season with an almost identical title, but it was never finished. I decided to save it and see if I could work on it this season. If I'm able to finish it, I'll explain the situation regarding the title.

-I chose Matt LeBlanc as Mr. Halston because he seemed like the kind of person that a lot of people would be disappointed by if it ever came out that he was a racist. He's mostly known to the world as Joey Tribbiani, so this is like imagining what would happen if Joey was racist. Some of Mr. Halston's lines were written with Joey in mind, especially with his ranting in the next-to-last scene of the episode.

-Mr. Halston references sports commentator and Vegas bookmaker Jimmy Snyder, also known as Jimmy the Greek.

-Anja's mentioning of _Between the Lions_ is a callback to her previously referencing it in "Jaylynn, Anja, & Halley" as a way to break up the tension between her and Jaylynn.

-The majority of scene 12 was written weeks ago, long before I started working on the episode. Starting last season, if I had an idea for a scene in an upcoming episode, I would write out the whole thing in my notes and then add it to the script when I was ready. Some of the episodes where I've used this technique include "Another Thank You, Heavenly Christmas," "'J,' My Name is Jaylynn," "The RK Feline Fiasco Remix," and "Y2RK."

-I used the "Yellow Brick Road" instrumental because the original song was Eminem's response to an anti-black song he had recorded in 1988 called "Foolish Pride." The song was released publicly in 2003 by the hip hop magazine _The Source_ , ran at the time by Benzino who was in the middle of a feud with Eminem. "Yellow Brick Road" addresses Eminem's upbringing, his issues trying to fit into the hip hop community as a teenager, and his reasons for recording "Foolish Pride."


End file.
